He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
