i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
