i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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