he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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