Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
