he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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