so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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