I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can text with my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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