I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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