I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
