You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
