How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
