"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize