my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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