now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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