My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize