Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
