well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
