i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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