You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
