He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
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When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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