she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
