It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
