I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
