I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
