Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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