No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
