The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
