He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
