Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
