Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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