We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
