I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.