I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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