she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
