I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
