You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When are your genitals available?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
