Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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