Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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