Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
jump out the window naked night went bad
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
