i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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