I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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