Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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