Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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