rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
