This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
