I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
