Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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