Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
