at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
