he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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