I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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