so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
