"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
