he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
