She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
