Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize