I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
