yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
