I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
