if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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