If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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