we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
