You're my little dorito
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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