Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
